The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Mr. Burns Quotes
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night?
Mr. Burns: Why, no.
Homer: And does it say "I love you"?
Mr. Burns: No, it doesn't.
Homer: (chanting) Nobody love you, nobody loves you...
Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!
Mr. Burns: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Smithers: Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them?
(Homer puts stake in Mr.Burns)
Homer: Take that!
(Homer hits stake with hammer multiple times)
Lisa: Uh Dad, that's his crotch.
Homer: Oh, Sorry.
(Homer puts stake where the heart and hits it)
Mr. Burns: AAAAAAGH!
(Mr. Burns disentergrates)
Homer: Whoo-hoo!
(Mr. Burns Comes Back Alive)
Mr. Burns: You're Fired!
(Mr. Burns Dies Again)
Homer: D'oh!
Mr. Burns: Now, let's get down to business.
Homer: (thinking) Oh, man. I have to go to the bathroom. Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?
Mr. Burns: Now Homer, I know what you're thinking. I want to take the pressure off. Now, it doesn't take a "whiz" to know that you're looking out for "Number One". Well, listen to me, and you'll make a big splash very soon.
Homer: Ooh, which way to the bathroom?
Mr. Burns: Oh, it's the twenty-third door on the left.
Mr. Burns: And this is my basement. (Reveals a traditional unfinished basement, complete with ping-pong table)
Homer: Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms.
Mr. Burns: Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.
Look at him strutting around like he's cock of the walk. Well, let me tell you. Homer Simpson is cock of nothing.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? New man?
Smithers: He thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, his wife painted you in the nude...
Mr. Burns: Doesn't ring a bell.
Mr. Burns: The power plant's new annual Fourth of July picnic is this upcoming Saturday.
Homer: Woohoo!
Mr. Burns: I'm afraid you misunderstand. This picnic is for me, you will all be spending your Independence Day slaving away in the hot summer sun with no pay, lotion, or gratitude.
Burns: These two gentlemen are American as apple pie! Hans and Fritz, why that's just... John and Frank!
Quimby: Ich bin ein Springfielder
Carl: Oh this ain't good!
Homer: We'll all lose our jobs!
Marge: Look at all those worried faces, except for Lenny, he looks great!
Lenny: (with mouth surgery) This is the worst day of my life.
Mr. Burns: Find the bathroom all right?
Homer: Uuuuh..... yeah!
