Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Oh, this is terrible--she's quoting Scripture, but using a ton of cuss words.

Just drive the car. I gotta tell my girlfriend that I don't love her so she doesn't leave me.

I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack, and I haven't arranged for anyone to clear my browser history. I wasn't building a bomb, I was just curious.

Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?

Jess, you win! I'm gonna take you...respectfully!

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something called "Legionnaires disease."

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

The eyeball fell off, that's how you know it's good!

Guys, we've gone soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Paul Ryan 2020.

Schmidt