Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

Winston: I'm gonna be strong for you, man. You know, I really did love Walt.
Nick: He was my dad, Winston.
Winston: Yeah, but he loved me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Nick: Yeah, he told me that too, actually.

I feel like Russell Crowe in every movie he's ever done.

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Schmidt, that is melon-flavored liquer!That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!

They threw in something called 'septic enzymes,' which I don't know what they are but you are definitely not supposed to get them in your eyes.

I'm a small business owner!

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

I don't know what "mazel tov" means, but it doesn't sound good.

Let the Decider decide! I am not the Suggester!

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick