Perry Cox Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Doctor Cox, did you get my memo reminding all senior staff that lab coats must be worn at all times?
Dr. Cox: You know I did get it there Bob and at first I just threw it away, but then I decided that wasn't a grand enough gesture, so I made a replica of you out of straw and I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket, and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over to light it on fire and whack it with sticks.
Dr. Cox: Huh. I was just wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show.
Dr. Kelso: I wonder what bothers you the most, is it that I saved his life, that he likes me as a person, I bet its how he respects me as a doctor. How does that taste? Bitter, hard to get down?
Dr. Benson: Still have that great rapport with the nurses huh?
Dr. Cox: Actually Carla totally gets me. That's why I've been systematically trying to drive her away.
Dr. Benson: You ever see that therapist I recommended?
Dr. Cox: Not yet, no
Dr. Kelso: So I've been looking at Dr. Benson's chart. His chest X Ray was normal, his vitals are stable. So let's discharge him.
Dr. Cox: Well now hold the phone there Skipper. Now, Dr. Benson should be able to stay here until he feels he's ready to go. I mean give me a break, he was only the chief of medicine for ten years!
Dr. Kelso: Well, I haven't had my coffee yet so I'm finding it hard coming up with a more colorful way to say who gives a crap? Actually that wasn't half bad
Dr. Kelso: See Dave at Sacred Heart we don't treat symptoms, we treat people.
Dr. Benson: Hey, there's something on your back.
Dr. Kelso: What does this one say?
Dr. Benson: "Never stop kicking me" and on the other side is my discharge form. Uh, Bob you tried to discharge me an hour before I almost died?
Dr. Kelso: Well- How very clever.
Dr. Cox: What? It wasn't me. In fact, I think you put it there yourself to get more attention
I would like to make a special mention of one intern here, John Dorian. Smart kid, he's extremely confident and his enthusiasm and his determination to always be better is something. I see in him twenty-four hours a day. He cares, probably cares too much, but he's definately somebody you don't wanna loose. Now if you have any questions, well I could give a crap I'm going home, you all get paid too much for doing nothin' anyway
Dr. Cox [to the hospital board]
Dr. Cox: Look Doogie, I'm up to my cha-chas in busy-work so I'm gonna go head take a rain-check on your report card - just have you do it yourself.
J.D.: You didn't even fill out my name.
Dr. Cox: Well now I think its John or Jimmy or "Jeh" or "Mmh" - oh gosh its in the j-family, but if you get trouble just ask the nurses for help
Listen Super Girl, I'm gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand piece puzzle of clear blue sky in less than an hour will never be able to finish putting you back together again, even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect
Dr. Cox [to J.D.]
Dr. Cox: It's time. Sit down. Now what do you want me to say? That you're great? That you're raising the bar for interns everywhere?
J.D.: I'm cool with that.
Dr. Cox: Well I'm not gonna say that. You're okay. You might be better than that someday, but right now all I see is a guy who's so worried about what everybody else thinks of him that he has no real belief in himself. I mean, did you even wonder why I told you to do your own evaluation?
J.D.: I can't think of a safe answer, I just figured...
Dr. Cox: Clam up! I wanted you to think about yourself, and I mean really think. What are you good at? What do you suck at? And then I want you to put it down on paper. And not so I could see it, and not so somebody else could see it, but so you could see it. Because ultimately, you don't have to answer to me, and you don't have to answer to Kelso...you don't even have to answer to your patients, for God's sake! You only have to answer to one guy, newbie, and that's you! There. You are...evaluated. [tosses evaluation to J.D.] Now get the hell out of my sight. You honest to God get me so angry I'm afraid I just might hurt myself
J.D.: Dr. Cox? Have you been here the whole time?
Dr. Cox: No; I just came in through the couch door. Move.
J.D.: But I thought you said you were too busy to do my evaluation?
Dr. Cox [watching soap]: I am... Didn't her daddy sell the coal mine?
Laverne: Contract didn't stick.
Dr. Cox: Ohhh. That's interesting
Carla: Why would Turk talk to Elliot about this and not me anyway? They're not even friends, you know what I mean?
Dr. Cox: After twenty-five minutes, the only way I could know what you mean more is if you write "my boyfriend doesn't open up to me" on a big wooden mallet and smash me over the head with it.
Carla: Why can't you for once dig deep down in your heart, access some emotions and empathize with me.
Dr. Cox: ...I'm sorry, what were we doing?
Carla: See, that's why no one likes you. [Carla walks away]
Dr. Cox: Hey, you like me a little bit. [Pointing to Laverne] And so do you sweetcakes. Huh? You wanna a little sugar from daddy? [unscrews candy jar]
Dr. Cox: Nobody hurts Carla and gets away with it.
Doug: Who's Carla?
Dr. Cox: I was talking to myself. Don't eavesdrop... [quietly] If this kid doesn't leave I'm gonna kill him.
[Doug stands up]
Dr. Cox: Now if you leave I'll know you were eavesdropping and I'll just go ahead and kill ya anyway. Stay, good girl
