Peter: No, you're not supposed to hit it into the water.
Lois: But you hit it into the water.
Peter: I know I hit it into the water.
Lois: But why do they have water if you're not supposed to hit it there.
Peter: Because it's fun! We're having fun!

Peter: Alright, lets dope her up good -- get that mouth off her.
Cleveland: No Peter! The problem is you!

Quagmire: Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I dunno, Lois is in charge of the kids.

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!