Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy

Take it up with my butt, he's the only one that gives a crap.

Lois: That's a great idea, maybe you can join PETA.
Peter: Join me for what?
Lois: No, PETA, the organization.
Peter: What organization?
Lois: PETA.
Peter: what?
Lois: PETA is an acronym, Peter.
Peter: No I'm not, I'm Catholic.
Stewie: Are we really doing this?

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change

I really hope there's a hungry horse back there.

You know, that really grinds my gears. Where in the bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbor's living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player? Well, I don't know where it says it because the Bible was way too long to read!

I know, you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time now and I'm the man

Mr. Washee-Washee: I no have your shirt.
Peter: You yes have my shirt!
Peter: Fine, I go. But this no over! I take picture of Ang Lee
Mr . Washee-Washee: Good! He do too many white people movie anyway!
You no come back ever! I don't like you American. And all you American look alike!

For every five seconds I do not have flapjacks, I shall break one window.

I assumed it was for being able to fart the alphabet, which I almost did before I pooped the "s." Owell, everyone was upset on the bus long before that.

Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!

Chris: Brian's the new Meg! Brian's the new Meg!
Meg: Yeah, you're the new me!
Peter: Shut up, Meg.

Okay, first of all, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for like six years, all right. Either have the baby or don't

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 837 in total

Family Guy Quotes

"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Cleveland Brown

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

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