Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids ... y'know, forget about you
Lois, everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches, fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery
Game Show Host: This one is for Peter Griffin and Tony Randall.
Game Show Announcer: The password is..."flaming."
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Actor.
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Tony?
Peter: You...
Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France
Peter: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
Brian: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie
See, Meg, things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one.
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happened to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out
Chris: Dad, I tried to go to school but this guy won't let me.
Peter: Oh yeah? Him and what army?
Chris: The U.S. Army.
Peter: Oh, that's a good army
Brian: Face it, Peter. It's over. Why don't you sit down with the mayor and negotiate some kind of treaty?
Peter: Negotiate? Peter Griffin doesn't know the meaning of the word "negotiate."
From this day forth, this territory will be known as Petoria. I was gonna call it Peterland, but that gay bar down by the airport already took it
Peter: Barkeep, petro nemo slappywag. That's Petorian for "More beer, you slappywag."
Horace: You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to fifty bucks.
Peter: I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks. Do you think G. Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks while he was strangling people with piano wire for the good of our nation?
