Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
Brian: What the hell are you talking about?

Lois: I just wish my opinion mattered to you.
Peter: Well, the important thing is, it matters to you, and that's the greatest gift of all

Big Fat Paulie: Where are you going?
Peter: Uh, home. You know, for dinner.
Big Fat Paulie: Oh yeah, what are we having?
Peter: Uh, I was only supposed to go to a movie with you.
Big Fat Paulie: What's that supposed to mean?
Peter: Uh, you know, like, no neckin'
Big Fat Paulie: So I can have dinner with you?
Peter: Uh, uh, sure. That would be much better than having a quiet dinner with my family, who I love and am not afraid of

Lois: Peter, this car has dents in it, and it's got a cardboard steering wheel.. And look, there's no engine! It just has a drawing of an engine!
Car salesman: But it only had one previous owner...James Bond!
Peter: I'll take it!

Lois: Do you mind?
Paulie: Acutally I do, you crazy broad.
Lois: I am not a crazy broad!
Peter: Oh, no no Lois, he didn't mean you're crazy like.. Elizabeth Taylor... He meant you're crazy, like.. that glue... You stick to things, you know, like an adhesive... That's all he meant

Lois: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?
Peter: Gordon?

A job? Lois, the seventies are over, forget it

Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
Lois: Aww....
Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
Lois: What?
Peter: Shhh... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady

Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a second! You're telling me, I flew all the way to Kentucky, to get some of your fried chicken, and--and the Colonel isn't even working today??
KFC Employee: He ain't here -- He dead.
Peter: What??
KFC Employee: I say he dead.
Peter: Is Mr. Sanders in?
KFC Employee: What wrong wit you? I say you he dead!
Peter: . . . . THE COL-ONEL!

I'll tell you Lois, High school is a lot more fun this time around. And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns

Sweet statuatory, you look beautiful

Peter: ...and that's my plan, Principal. So, what do you think?
Principal: But... you didn't tell me anything? You just sat down & said "And that's my plan"

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!