Favorite Peter Hornberger Quotes
We need a button that switches from pornography to basketball immediately. What you have isn't fast enough.
Tiana, Mulan, Pocahantas, Jasmine — wow, she's right!
It's a massacre! I can't go back to teaching high school math. Those girls pretend they're not women, but they are.
Pete: Happy?
Liz: No, not since I was a child.
Then I would have seen Criss's muscular back.
Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!
Pete: [on missing Tracy] Oh, I hope he's okay.
Liz: I hope he's taking his medication.
Kenneth: And I hope he take a jacket, 'cause it can get real chilly there.
Liz: That's it. I gotta talk to her about her clothes, she can't dress like that.
Pete: Well, yes, she can! People like the way she dresses!
Liz: Oh, c'mon. It's distracting, it's inappropriate.
Pete: You're inappropriate, you jerk, with your big stupid face!
Pete: So, is Donaghy gonna be in the room again today?
Liz: Ugh. Probably, yeah.
Pete: Well, you have to say something to him. You guys aren't getting any work done.
Liz: Really? You don't think his idea of starting with the catchphrases and working backwards is panning out?
Tracy: I have to be charming on Conan tonight. This is my chance to redeem myself with mainstream America.
Toofer: Okay, well. Just tell us some things about your life, and we'll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy.
Pete: Maybe something about you and your wife.
Tracy: Me and my wife like to play rape. She go in the bathroom
and do her hair. Then, I'll put on a ski mask...
Frank: Hey, uh, you got anything about being a dad? People eat that garbage up.
Tracy: I like to walk around my house naked, to remind my oldest son who's still got the biggest ding-dong.
Pete: No
Tracy: Or I could tell the story of how I met Sharon Stone.
Pete: What was that?
Tracy: I was pooping in the ladies' room at The Ivy-
Pete: No.
Hey, can I borrow sixty bucks? I'm going to meet Frank and Lutz at Scores.
