Phil: Someday I'll be walking you down the aisle.
Haley: Not if you're in perv jail.

Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say...wait till she reads this.

Claire: I assure you, you are fine.
Phil: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.

Let's dim the lights, crank up Norah Jones and get this over with.

That's how Craigslist works. Total strangers sell you things like signed vintage baseball cards that make your father-in-law respect you for an afternoon.

Ho Ho Hold up a sec!

He's me and it's spectacular!

Quick, what's my favorite hospital food? Jellooo.

Phil: If I had a son I'd want him to be like Kenneth.
Claire: You do have a son.

Why hug when you can manshake?

I have three kids and at least one of them is going to college. Worst case scenario, they all go!

I know you were reluctant to get that massage, but I think we can both agree it had a happy ending.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said