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Did I just say wife gets in the way? Cause sometimes I do that.

When I talk to my old friends from college do we croak or do we bark?

I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

No cops! We can't afford a scandal right now! Claire's running for town council.

If you wanna fly I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground, I'm gonna be the one to push you off the cliff.

Luke: How many moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Phil: How many?
Luke: None because she's got you to do that sucker.

I've always said that if my son thinks of me as one of his idiot friends, I've succeeded as a dad.

Luke: The other day Uncle Mitchell brought over a bag of junk food so he and Cam could do a Jew fast.
Phil: Juice fast?
Luke: I'm pretty sure he said Jew.

How awesome are people?

Phil: Guess it's just one of those things that we'll never know, like what really happened to the Titanic.
Claire: It hit an iceberg.
Phil: Maybe.

Claire: Could you grab an extra virgin-
Phil: I think one's enough for the sacrifice.

Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 308 in total

Modern Family Quotes

Do I have time for a steam?


And what are we supposed to tell the baby? Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!

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