Claire: I say no everyday in this house.
Phil: But at night she's a yes machine.
Claire: No.

Claire: I did cartwheels.
Phil: Without me?

Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.

Haley: This is just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans.
Alex: Woudn't or couldn't?
Phil: Hey I looked hot!

I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. I used to image the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some Hall and Oates, maybe horsing around with mister microphone.

It was very peaceful. Not the letter, that was full of threats.

She feels great. Her spirits are high, the whole family's high. There's your headline.

Phil: I'm just excited. After today you're going to be a councilwoman and I'm going to be a first husband.
Claire: If you don't stop filming, you're going to be MY first husband.

Our daughter might be going to college!!!

I'm like a boxer before a fight, that's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night.

It happened. Satan's trifecta. The day I most dreaded had fallen on the day I most loved.

You're going to have Cam's baby just to avoid it being weird?