Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCPhil Dunphy Quotes
Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.
Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.
All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.
I've got Gloria! I've got Gloria!
I don't like to talk about money. But I have exactly ten million dollars.
I've usually good at catching things from women in bars.
You look hot enough to cook a pizza on... in.
Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.
Claire: I'll be upstairs, Clive, don't take too long.
Phil: I never do.
It's like your shaking hands, but you're not using your hands. At all.
Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.
Claire, we're not your parents; we're in much better shape.
