Pierce: You guys think I'm some sort of a joke!
Jeff: This isn't disproving the theory

I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.

Pierce: Britta, you're the selfless one in the group, right?
Britta: Wouldn't know, haven't thought about myself in years.

Nurse: Mr. Hawthorne is requesting Sour Face.
Pierce: Is that you death?
Britta: No it's me, Britta.

Since in my absence you'll be the new black sheep - I'm sorry, that's offensive - black swan, I want you to have this.

Pierce: It was the pills, they just took me over. I saw awful things: aliens, demons, Critters 3, and something called Bruce Willis Surrogates.

You can all hang out in your suspended humiliation and think about what you learned today. One, don't screw with me. Two, invite me to your crap.

Pierce: I don't like being excluded Jeff. Do you?
Jeff: Yes!

Neil: This sword was one of a kind. It was forged by my ancestors.
Pierce: I hump it.

Pierce: I can't hear you over the sound of me rubbing his sword on my balls.
Abed: You have successfully rubbed your balls on the sword.

I attack him! I attack black face!

Pierce: What is a period fairy?
Annie: The fairy that gives you a dollar every time you get your period
Pierce: Does she still come?

Community Quotes

Abed: Sometimes I like to pour hot chocolate mix into cold milk and drink it with hot cocoa, I call it special drink
Jeff: And some day you will know it by its true name, diabetes

I'm sorry Annie. I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.

Jeff