What are you doing in an apartment above Dildopolis? And when did they open a second location?

You ever go into the bathroom and find parsley in your teeth that your friends hadn't told you about? Now imagine your teeth are a uterus and that parsley is a half-chinese baby.

Troy: Is it black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No!
Pierce: Is it white George Foreman
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person. He's biracial, his name is David and he's a human being.

Abed: It's the first season of Lost on DVD.
Pierce: That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed: No it's a metaphor. It represents lack of payoff.

What do you care about Christmas Abed? You're Muslim. Don't your people spend this season writing in angry letters to TVGuide?

Shirley: Here, let me help you with that.
Pierce: I broke my legs, not my gender.

Sheesh... I guess it's true what they say about the sync-up.

Britta: I still thing that man is going to evolve into woman, not a dragon monster with three legs.
Pierce: Three legs?

Tell me how to get this laid-back, or I'll kill your families!

I'm gonna slit your butts' throats.

Annie: Can we stop walking in slo-mo now?
Pierce: You guys are walking in slo-mo?

You gain levels, and at a certain point you actually CAN eat a ghost.

Community Quotes

Me and Abed have an agreement. If one of us dies, we stage it to look like a suicide caused by the unjust cancellation of Firefly. We're gonna get that show back on the air buddy!

Troy

Annie: When you found out I was Jewish, you invited me to a 'pool party' that turned out to be a Baptism.
Shirley: Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into Heaven.