Professor Farnsworth Quotes
Fry: So you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams?
Leela: Of course.
Fry: But, how is that possible?
Prof. Farnsworth: It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.
(He holds up an egg and injects it with liquid. The egg explodes, covering him and Leela in yolk.)
Prof. Farnsworth: Although, in reality, it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.
Bender: Alright, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives.
Farnsworth: Well then it's settled. So long, everyone!
Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9, a world where humans are killed on sight.
Leela: Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans, but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?
Farnsworth: They're not fans.
Farnsworth: Chapek IX was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.
Bender: Oh, so just cause a robot wants to kill humans, that makes him a radical.
Fry: I don't get this. Is Blernsball exactly the same as baseball?
Farnsworth: Baseball? God forbid.
Leela: Face it, Fry, baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.
Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't... hmm, so they finally jazzed it up?
He's good, alright. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory.
Farnsworth: It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.
Leela: Animals?
Farnsworth: That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with a super-dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds.
Leela: Wait! What about the animals?
Farnsworth: Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow.
Leela: Yes, but what about the animals?
Farnsworth: The wha'?
Leela: The animals.
Farnsworth: I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals.
Bender: So Leela, you must have had your pick of the litter last night at closing time.
Leela: Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?
Farnsworth: Yes let's all talk about Leela's personal life later. Right now we have business to attend to.
Farnsworth: Oh, fuff! He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimballa, who ruled Zubin 5 over 29 million years ago.
Fry: Hey, Professor, great jerky!
Farnsworth: My God, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy!
Bender: You people are nuts. My antennae never interfered with my old TV.
Leela: You had cable. This is satellite.
Farnsworth: Obviously your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency.
Tenant #2: They're on my cell phone too.
Bender: Madam, I believe you're mistaken.
Bender: (thinking; on phone) Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.
Bender: Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat ass!
Farnsworth: (on the phone) Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well then. (hangs up) Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.
Leela: Was his apartment rent-controlled?
