Robin: If I stole a scalpel and I cut you open, all I would find is this scared trembling pile of crap.
Ted: See I've missed these talks.

Robin: That was not cool Ted.
Lily: Contraction!
Robin: That wasn't cool Ted?

Oh we're bustin' apple bags? I can bust apple bags.

Once you see a baby horse erupt through that birth canal you stop even touching yourself.

Ted: Wayne had no manners. Wayne, manners, Wayne Manor. Home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman. Mentor to dick Grayson his orphan ward who, at night, would don the colorful vestments of The Boy Wonder, A.K.A. Robin!
Robin: Holy long walk for a short drink of water Ted!

Robin Sparkles was a cabin-hold name!

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

Lily: I was once with a dude who couldn't even fantasize about a three-way. He was all, ooh she's your best friend!
Robin: What now?

Patrice: You seem so down today Robin, I made you cookies.
Robin: Patrice, stop smothering me!

Ted: You know what Robin? Been thinking about it, guess it's kind of nice you're such a badass.
Robin: It's pretty badass your so nice Ted.

Robin: Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
Ted: You called her a whore!
Robin: Who wears that much make up?
Ted: Old ladies!
Robin: Who take money for sex, exactly!

Marshall: Come on lay some of that classic Scherbatsky mean son of a bitch on me. Treat me like I'm a girl scout trying to sell you cookies.
Robin: Four dollars a box and you're out of thin mints?! You green little...I don't do that!

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted