Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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Tammy: Guess I'll be heading home.

Ron: Catching the number twelve bus to Satan's butthole?

Tammy: Actually I prefer the number 69 train to Humpsville Station.

Ron: An hour ago an entire fireball consumed my entire face and it was far preferable to spending another second with you.
Tammy: Tell that to your pants tent.

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

I think if you would know one thing about me it would be that I prefer laying wreaths to lighting torches.

Hello Leslie, how long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Chris, you have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.

This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up and their ideas are terrible and it brings city hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.

I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.

Ron: Is this everybody?

Donna: Ann took a cab. Tom's in the trunk. Jerry's on the roof.

I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.

I want this night to get krazy. Get me a shot of snake juice. I hear it has a dope aftertaste.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 255 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron