Ron: I'll have number eight.
Waiter: That's a party platter.
Ron: I know what I am, son.

I wish this office had only walls.

People who buy things are suckers.

Before we go in there, I want to say something. You are a wonderful person. Our friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.

Leslie: Ron, I'm going to need you to walk me down the aisle.
Ron: It would be an honor. And the first time I won't regret walking down the aisle.

Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.

The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.

I wouldn't know. I've never been hungover. After I've had too much whiskey, I cook myself a large flank steak, pan fried and salted butter. I eat that, put on a pair of wet socks and go to sleep.

I did not sleep for one second last night. And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.

There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

I'm going to get 12 eggs and part of a dead animal. Dealer's choice. Please and thank you.

I love nothing!

Parks & Rec Quotes

You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.

Leslie

Haha, "Euro-trash," I like that. That is indeed a garbage continent.

Ron