So it learns information about me?

Ron: She's here.
Leslie: Who's here?
Ron: My ex-wife Tammy 2. I can smell the sulfur coming off her cloven hooves.

Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against...uh, there I go again gettin' all sappy.

My first day of college my father dropped me off at the steel mill. He didn't think I should go to college, but I hitched a ride, enrolled, and learned a lot.

Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.

It is a beautiful night for the end of the world.

Leslie: If the world was ending tomorrow I'd want to be with him.
Ron: Well that's significant the problem is the world's not ending tomorrow.

Ron: No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans.

Ron: We have one activity planned: not getting killed.

Ron: Anyone find any mistakes?
April: Yeah, actually, in here it says that Pawnee is great, but in reality it's terrible.

Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.

Leslie, NO! We use that stuff to burn warts off mules!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April