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What's cholesterol?

Ann: How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?
Ron: One.
Ann: That's it? One drink?
Ron: One shelf.
Ann: Do you exercise?
Ron: Yes. Lovemaking and woodworking.
Ann: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?
Ron: I have an uncle who does yoga.

Ron: There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that's lying about being milk.

I'll represent myself as I do in all legal matters and livestock auctions.

Ron: I'll have number eight.
Waiter: That's a party platter.
Ron: I know what I am, son.

I wish this office had only walls.

People who buy things are suckers.

Before we go in there, I want to say something. You are a wonderful person. Our friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.

Leslie: Ron, I'm going to need you to walk me down the aisle.
Ron: It would be an honor. And the first time I won't regret walking down the aisle.

Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.

The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.

I wouldn't know. I've never been hungover. After I've had too much whiskey, I cook myself a large flank steak, pan fried and salted butter. I eat that, put on a pair of wet socks and go to sleep.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 255 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron
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