Leslie: Ron, I'm going to need you to walk me down the aisle.
Ron: It would be an honor. And the first time I won't regret walking down the aisle.

Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.

The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.

I wouldn't know. I've never been hungover. After I've had too much whiskey, I cook myself a large flank steak, pan fried and salted butter. I eat that, put on a pair of wet socks and go to sleep.

I did not sleep for one second last night. And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.

There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

I'm going to get 12 eggs and part of a dead animal. Dealer's choice. Please and thank you.

I love nothing!

Girls, this is Ann. Talk to Ann. She's terrific.

Son, there's no wrong way to consume alcohol.

It might be cold outside but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz.

This might be the first time I've ever wanted to attend an event.