Samantha Jones Quotes
Dr. Mark Raskin: I wanna take a hit of Viagra.
Samantha: Number one, that's very presumptious of you, and number two, from what I can tell, you don't need any help in that area whatsoever.
Dr. Mark Raskin: I just take it recreationally.
Samantha: What does it do for you?
Dr. Mark Raskin: Sends me on a rocket trip right through your solar system.
Carrie: It's just smooth sailing, nothing but calm seas and blue horizons, as far as the eye can see. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Miranda: Absolutely! There's not a cloud in sight.
Carrie: We adore each other, we have fun together, we mesh.
Charlotte: And that is a problem?
Carrie: No, it's just, well, it's just, it feels odd. You know, I'm used to the hunt, and this is effortless. It's, just, it's freaking me out.
Samantha: I totally understand, you're not getting the stomach flip.
Miranda: Which is really just a fear of losing the guy.
Carrie: Maybe I'm just not used to someone who doesn't do the ever seductive withholding dance.
(to Carrie) I totally understand your dilemma, and from my experience honey, if he seems to good to be true, then he probably is.
Miranda: Read into it what you will, but my new favorite thing to do on a Saturday night is Steve's laundry, and I have never been happier.
Samantha: Your relationship is my greatest fear realized.
Miranda: So, what did everybody do last night?
Samantha: Nothing.
Carrie: Nothing, of note.
Charlotte: I don't wanna talk about it.
Samantha: Why, what happended, you sleep with somebody on the second date?
Charlotte: No, it was the third date.
Charlotte: When he, you know...
Samantha: Came, orgasm, shot his wad.
Samantha: Well, you better be careful, you wait too long to sleep with someone, you miss the window and become just friends.
Miranda: As opposed to his fucking bitch, his fucking whore.
Carrie: No, what's bad, is that even Charlotte is having more sex that I am.
Miranda: What about Aidan?
Carrie: What about Aidan? I don't know what's going on, clearly he's attracted, we're spending a lot of time together, he keeps asking me out, but he doesn't want to sleep with me.
Samantha: Gay.
Carrie: No, he's not gay.
Miranda: Mother issues?
Carrie: No, I don't think so.
Samantha: Maybe, his dick curves to the right.
Carrie: So, if it does we'll work it out, I'll go left.
Charlotte: Why would he say that?
Samantha: Maybe because...you were fucking him.
Carrie: Well it's true, sweetie, he didn't say it at the dry cleaner's, he said it when he was in you.
Charlotte: Do you think I'm a whore?
Samantha: Oh please, if you're a whore, what does that make me?
(Silence from Miranda and Carrie)
Charlotte: Do you think I'm a whore?
Miranda: Well, you have had a decent amount of bone in you.
Charlotte: This is bad, nobody wants to marry a whore.
Samantha: They practically chased me with torches like I was fuckenstein.
Carrie: Oh, relax, they can't evict you for having sex.
Samantha: Of course, not, they're just jealous, they're a bunch of dried up old farts who haven't had sex since Eisenhower, and I remind them of what they can't have. (Sigh) It might be time to move.
Carrie: No you can't move! You have a rent-control apartment on the Upper East Side.
Samantha: Honey, this isn't rent control, this is life control.
Charlotte: You'd dump a guy because of a bad kiss?
Samantha: Honey, you have too. I mean, if their tongue's just gonna lay there, what do you think their dick's gonna do?
Carrie: Point taken.
Charlotte: Maybe, we could work on it, practice makes perfect.
Samantha: No, no, no, dump him, a bad kisser is non-negotiable.
