Winston: So...where do you do the marketing?
Schmidt: Oh, Winston. So naive, so sweet. We do the marketing EVERYWHERE!

Sick people wanted me, dying people wanted to be me--I was the total candy striping package.

Coach: Do people call you 'Marketing'?
Schmidt: No...not yet...

She's looking for career advice, and your job could be done by a vending machine.

When I think of teachers, I think of two things--Jessica Day, and pornography...where one of the characters is...a teacher.

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Hi there. I'm about to ruin a date and don't want to show up empty-handed.

Did I leave my Oakland Raiders yarmulke over there?

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt