Nick: Band of Brothers!
Schmidt: Your friendship means nothing to me. Every man for himself!

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.

Schmidt: A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room.
Cece: Oh like your barnacle toenails?

I know what my pogo is. It's that I dance like a sea snake.

Winston: I wanted to talk to you about the regrettable contact between Cece's...her down there and my...parts.
Schmidt: You practically shish-kebabed her.

Cece:Do you have any agave?
Schmidt: We might have some pressed lentils syrups in the mixin's cabinet.

I had only sari related sexual ideas. Monsoon Bedding, Best Erotic Maribone Hotel,Slumdoggy Style Millionaire!

We can form an Ocean's Twelve. I will be Brad Pitt. You will be the crafty Asian who does the flippies.

Let's concentrate on the smite later.

New Girl Quotes

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.