My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.

Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it's gonna be a real drag.

Don't laugh when they call him "responsible," they don't know why it's hilarious.

There are plenty of things to be down about--the deficit, air pollution in China, "The Hobbit" wasn't very good...

Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Cece: I'm still marrying an Indian guy.
Schmidt: Sure, but you went home with a Jew in a turban. I'm just saying.

Get your crap together, India. Schmidt... out!

Schmidt: Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I've got a twist ending for you: shut up

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Cece: You look like a character from The Love Guru.
Schmidt: Aw, thank you.

Schmidt: I don't really know what that accent is.
CeCe: English.
Schmidt: I speak English. That isn't English.

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick