New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Schmidt: Does it say "share stuff" in the Constitution of America? No, it does not. Nicholas, what does it say?
Nick: Don't share stuff.

Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Cece: I'm still marrying an Indian guy.
Schmidt: Sure, but you went home with a Jew in a turban. I'm just saying.

Get your crap together, India. Schmidt... out!

Schmidt: Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I've got a twist ending for you: shut up

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Cece: You look like a character from The Love Guru.
Schmidt: Aw, thank you.

Schmidt: I don't really know what that accent is.
CeCe: English.
Schmidt: I speak English. That isn't English.

Nick: Band of Brothers!
Schmidt: Your friendship means nothing to me. Every man for himself!

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

Dammit! Been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. It's like a taffy pole on a hot summer's day.

They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 150 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach