She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Hi there. I'm about to ruin a date and don't want to show up empty-handed.

Did I leave my Oakland Raiders yarmulke over there?

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

Schmidt: Have you ever dated two women at once?
Rabbi: What are you talking about? I went to camp. They used to call me the octopus.

I'm a hero Nick, just tell me I'm a good man. I really need to hear it.

So yeah, I was dating them both at the same time. I'm a mess, I can't sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.

Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Cease lovemaking! All lovemaking must cease!

Human dental dam!

New Girl Quotes

You know what they call Seattle in Portland? North Portland. Or Vancouver's shoe.

Jess

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick