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The-simpsons

Patty: So, now you're going to get hit on by every loser in town.
Selma: And this town has losers like Mexico has headless corpses.

Marge: You guys went gray yourselves.
Selma: No we didn't, this is just smoke and ash.

(Homer and Marge catch Selma kissing Grampa)
Homer: (screams) A bear is eating my father!
Selma: I'm Selma!
Homer: (screams) A talking bear is eating my father!

Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

Selma: Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
Grampa: Slow down you hussie!

Selma: For some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe it's the bang up job he did raising you.
Homer: He was a great Dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!

Patty: Elvis Stojko is so handsome!
Selma: He can grease up my skates anytime!
Moe: Don't you hags know that all male figure skaters are twinkly in the lutz?
Elvis Stojko: That's a common misconception. I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
Moe: Made up girlfriend, made up city!

Marge: Any minute now, he'll scamper through that doggy door.
Homer: Any minute now, I'll be the dog she's lookin' for.
Barney, Moe, Lenny, and Carl: Any minute now, you'll be stuck with her brood.
Patty and Selma: Any minute now, this pooch will know she's screwed.
Marge: My hearts tells me to trust him.
Patty and Selma: But your head knows he's a hound.
Homer: I want to do the right thing.
Moe: Come on! With all this high class tail around?
(Hooker Dog smokes a cigarette, coughs badly)
Fleas: Any minute now, our girl will make a brand new start.
Patty and Selma: Yes!
Marge: Any minute now, I won't care that broke my heart.
Marge and Homer: Annnny minnnute nooooow.

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.

Mrs. Bouvier: I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

Marge: He's an evil man.
Mrs. Bouvier: Evil, shmevil, Marge. Monty can provide for me. And besides, he's a great kisser.
Homer: Ew, yuck!

Fireman: This is the third time this building has burned down because someone has been smoking in bed.
Patty & Selma: I didn't do it!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 45 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito. Where's my burrito.

Homer

I'm married to the sea, and I'm seeing two of the great lakes on the side. I won't say which ones but it's ERIE how SUPERIOR they are.

Sea Captain
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