Sheldon: Then why are you doing it?
Mrs. Cooper: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. And that man's booty is.

I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Apparently any man is welcome in his house, why not you?

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mrs. Cooper: That's not funny. Maybe we should sit at the table.

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

I used to live in those genitals. And if someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Sheldon: Do you have any idea what it's like to see your mother ravaging someone?
Howard: Does a brisket count?

I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Oh, apple juice. Stay where you are.

Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact that my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.

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Sheldon: Ten years ago upon first seeing me, your husband claimed that I look like C-3P0 and Pee-Wee Herman. And he called me C-3P-Wee Herman.
Raj: Still funny.

TBBT Quotes

Raj: Well, to paraphrase Shakespeare: It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.
Penny: Oh... you poor baby.
Raj: What's wrong with me, Penny?
Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren't friends - and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story - I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.
Raj: Hey, you totally got that right. E = MC squared.
Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen.

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.