The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Sheldon: I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
Sheldon: It doesn't matter. This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Some kind of dirty magic show.

And turn the bedroom floor into a amniotic slip and slide

Sheldon: The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kind of.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.

Penny: Oh, that's great. You're gonna be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon: No. I'll be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

Amy: It's a beautiful night. Why don't you and I go for a nice walk together?
Sheldon: Everything is just sex with you, isn't it?
Raj: Sheldon, I think you might find the support you're looking for, if you realize that relationships are a give and take. She can only be there for you as much as you are for her.
Amy: Thank you, Rajesh.
Raj: And, Amy, you need to be patient with Sheldon, instead of pressuring him to accept intimacy on your terms.
Amy: You should probably go.

Sheldon: Well, I'm not just some trained monkey dancing for coins.
Leonard: Of course not. People love trained monkeys.

I just vomited on a lot of clowns.

Bernadette's Dad: Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go outside and throw around the old pigskin.
Sheldon: This is a Jewish house. I don't think they have pigskins.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Did someone say "pigskin"?

She's so tiny. It's funny when she's mad.

Bernadette's Dad: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there.
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.

Sheldon (burping): Two, three, eight, four, six. That's all I can do without throwing up.
Bernadette's Dad: That's not what I expected when you said you were gonna burp "pie."
Mrs. Wolowitz: Did someone say pie?

Sheldon: They passed against a nickel defense. They should have run off tackle.
Bernadette's Dad: How the hell do you know that?
Sheldon: My father loved football. He always made me watch before I was allowed to do my homework.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.