Sheldon Cooper Quotes
I have two Ph. D's but somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.
Sheldon: I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
Sheldon: It doesn't matter. This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Some kind of dirty magic show.
And turn the bedroom floor into a amniotic slip and slide
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Sheldon: The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kind of.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.
- Permalink: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.
Penny: Oh, that's great. You're gonna be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon: No. I'll be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
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Amy: It's a beautiful night. Why don't you and I go for a nice walk together?
Sheldon: Everything is just sex with you, isn't it?
Raj: Sheldon, I think you might find the support you're looking for, if you realize that relationships are a give and take. She can only be there for you as much as you are for her.
Amy: Thank you, Rajesh.
Raj: And, Amy, you need to be patient with Sheldon, instead of pressuring him to accept intimacy on your terms.
Amy: You should probably go.
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Sheldon: Well, I'm not just some trained monkey dancing for coins.
Leonard: Of course not. People love trained monkeys.
- Permalink: Of course not. People love trained monkeys.
I just vomited on a lot of clowns.
- Permalink: I just vomited on a lot of clowns.
Bernadette's Dad: Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go outside and throw around the old pigskin.
Sheldon: This is a Jewish house. I don't think they have pigskins.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Did someone say "pigskin"?
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She's so tiny. It's funny when she's mad.
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Bernadette's Dad: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there.
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.
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Sheldon (burping): Two, three, eight, four, six. That's all I can do without throwing up.
Bernadette's Dad: That's not what I expected when you said you were gonna burp "pie."
Mrs. Wolowitz: Did someone say pie?
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Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.
- Permalink: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again? Yes, i...