She's so tiny. It's funny when she's mad.

Bernadette's Dad: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there.
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.

Sheldon (burping): Two, three, eight, four, six. That's all I can do without throwing up.
Bernadette's Dad: That's not what I expected when you said you were gonna burp "pie."
Mrs. Wolowitz: Did someone say pie?

Sheldon: They passed against a nickel defense. They should have run off tackle.
Bernadette's Dad: How the hell do you know that?
Sheldon: My father loved football. He always made me watch before I was allowed to do my homework.

Oh, oh, oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed he's gotten a resounding no. Yeah, that's just off the top of my head.

Amy: No traffic. We're sailing.
Sheldon: Yep. Like we're on a ship. Coming from Africa to America.
Amy: Sheldon, that's completely inappropriate. You can't keep comparing yourself to a slave.
Sheldon: Yes, Miss Amy.

Penny: We had one of those silly fake weddings.
Leonard: Penny ... you know those are real, right?
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Sheldon: He's right.
Amy: They're real.
Penny: But, it didn't seem real.

Sheldon: Now, I know how the African slaves felt. Being dragged from their homes to labor under the yoke of the white man.
Amy: Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner at the Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind?
Sheldon: Yes.

Leonard: It'd actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about my cooking all day.
Sheldon: Yo ... uh, excuse me, but every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?

Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're going to finally get satisfaction?

Sheldon: It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion.
Howard: Sure.
Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one?

Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes. He has the feet of a toddler.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.