Raj: Anyone in?
All the Guys: No!
Sheldon: Do not stop refreshing your screens!
All the Guys: Refresh. Refresh. Refresh....
Penny: Yeah, this is not gonna be enough coffee.

Raj: Oh, I have to go to the bathroom so bad.
Sheldon: Every year! I told you, wear a diaper!
Raj: And I told you I get diaper rash!

Penny: Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
Sheldon: Leonard told me to stay.
Penny: Oh. Well, good boy.

Sheldon: *whines*
Penny: You want to come with me?
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Come on boy! Come on! Let's go!

Sheldon: I've read that there are great yogis who have such mastery over their bodies they can draw water in through their genitals.
Penny: Yeah well I don't think we're going to get to do that today.
Sheldon: Too bad. Seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze

Leonard: Can we please have some privacy?
Sheldon: No. I'm as much a part of this relationship as you two. And I think it's high time we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?

Amy: Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don't have to.

Penny: So what do you think.
Sheldon: A tad asymmetrical but nothing to be worried about.

I have two Ph. D's but somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal.

Sheldon: I've seen things. Lady things.
Amy: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
Sheldon: It doesn't matter. This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Some kind of dirty magic show.

And turn the bedroom floor into a amniotic slip and slide

Sheldon: The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kind of.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon