The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Sheldon: I should have brought an umbrella.
Leonard: What for? It's not gonna rain.
Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.

Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?
Leonard: Telling you?

Sheldon: That's not an apology; that's simply an acknowledgment that I was right.
Leonard: Okay, I'm sorry.
Sheldon: There you go.

I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod when Microsoft comes out with theirs.

Leonard: What am I doing in your spam folder?
Sheldon: I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled, "this is funny."

Sheldon: Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series, "Firefly."
Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
Sheldon: Might as well settle it now; it's going to be on for years.

Wheaton: Embrace the Dark Side!
Sheldon: That's not even from your franchise!

Can I get you something? A feminine hygiene product or a bowel-regulating yogurt?

Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays in the internal combustion engine.

Leonard: Well, it wasn't my fault.
Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?

Dr. Plimpton: What if there's a disaster that destroys all of the USB ports?
Sheldon: Then there's really no reason to live, is there?

Leonard: I think any university would want you -- except, of course, any university that had already had you, because they would have already wanted you, before they, you know, got you.
Sheldon: From the mind that brought you "hi-lo."

Displaying quotes 517 - 528 of 760 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon