Sheldon: One has to navigate a labyrinth of social nonsense before one could be fed here
Amy: Really? I assumed an establishment named Cheesecake Factory would function more efficiently.
Sheldon: It's how they lure you in. I believe it's called, "bait and switch."

Lenny: I though you hate dogs.
Sheldon: A dog-opus can play fetch with eight balls. No one can hate that.

Penny: Honey, have you ever run before?
Sheldon: Certainly. I've run from bullies, dogs, angry chickens and one particularly persistent PE teacher determined to bend me over and give me a scoliosis test.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you're not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we're like 'Knight Rider.'
Leonard: Except, in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
Sheldon: You mock the sphincter, but, the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?
Leonard: I was wrong. This is exactly like Knight Rider

Sheldon: You're 15th favorite technological visionary.
Steve Wozniak: Only fifteenth?
Sheldon: It's still six spots above Steve Jobs. I care neither for turtlenecks nor showmanship.

Penny: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: Given your community college education, I encourage you to ask as many as possible.

Penny: OK. Well, then, there's a couple of things you should probably know.
Sheldon: I have a master's degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.

Sheldon: Amy pointed out that, between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior, benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Wolowitz: I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.

Apparently, a semi-incestuous Teens for Jesus hoedown didn't count.

You have broad hips and a certain corn-fed vigor. Is your womb available for rental?

At best, it's a modest leap forward from the technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.

That's not afternoon. That's prevening.

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.