Amy: What's going on?
Sheldon: What's going on is we're about to go to a prom. And there's a great deal of pressure on young couples like us to engage in what Mr. Bob Eubanks called making whoopee.

Leonard: You know, if you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons.
Sheldon: Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on. Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him.
Leonard: His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does.

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Hold on, Doctor. Leonard, where are your social skills?This man is clearly upset. We should invite him in for a hot beverage.
Leonard: He tried to score with Penny.
Sheldon: So have these two, and they're having dinner with us.

Raj: I was trying to help you! And at the first sign of trouble you ran away, leaving me to fend off a family of rats! You're a completely selfish human being and a... and a physical and a moral coward!
Sheldon: His statements of the obvious continue to annoy.

Raj: So, as Hannah Montana, Miley was a world-famous pop star.But then she would take off her wig and go to school like a normal girl. Which, I don't have to tell you, at that age, is its own headache.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. How would she go unrecognized
just by wearing a wig?
Raj: But you're okay with Superman concealing his identity with a pair of glasses?
Sheldon: He doesn't just put on a pair of glasses. He combs back his curlicue and affects a mild-mannered personality.

Raj: It's also a live mine, so there'll be dynamite explosions going off in the distance.
Sheldon: Yeah, I have a lactose-intolerant roommate with a taste
for ice cream. Next.
Raj: Oh, you have to be down there for 12 hours at a time.
Sheldon: Yeah? We have to be somewhere.
Raj: Well, there's no toilets-- we'll have to do our business
in a bucket.
Sheldon: So it's settled-- we're not doing it.

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering
how mermaids have babies.
Raj: Don't they lay eggs on a rock?
Sheldon: Now I've got room for another thing.

Sheldon: Are they making fun of us?
Raj: Yup.
Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.

Penny: Wait, hang on-- you guys are gonna work in a mine?
Sheldon: Why not?
Penny: You had a panic attack when we went through the car wash.

Leonard: Hold on. So, your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Guys: Yes.
Leonard: And are you gonna use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

Sheldon: I'll give you a plan right now. Step one: open comic book store.
Step two: start rumor this comic book store gives you genital warts.
Step three: buy a big bag to put the money in.
Leonard: It's not that bad.

TBBT Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Shelly! I'm so glad you're here!
Sheldon: I saw you having naked sex.

Penny: I give up, he's impossible
Sheldon: I can't be impossible, I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable."