Sheldon Cooper Quotes
Raj: Since when do you read Social Science?
Sheldon: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.
- Permalink: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.
Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.
If I wanted curls for dinner I'd order a clown wig.
- Permalink: If I wanted curls for dinner I'd order a clown wig.
Sheldon: Did you enjoy my lecture?
Amy: No, and neither did our waiter.
- Permalink: No, and neither did our waiter.
Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.
- Permalink: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.
Sheldon: What are you doing now?
Howard: Making a straw.
Howard: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Sheldon: You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why. This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you're going to treat me with the prop... You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I could do that again.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Howard: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student.
- Permalink: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student.
I can't believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers.
Sheldon: So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so tha tI can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists?
Mrs. Davis: Yes.
Sheldon: You people are sick.
- Permalink: You people are sick.
Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. Okay, she can't hear.
Sheldon: Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have-have you tried doing that?
Officer Hernandez: Nope.
Sheldon: Well, maybe you should. Th-th-there's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes" and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez."
Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.
- Permalink: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space,...
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Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.Sheldon
- Permalink: Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and...
- Recent Views: 54