Sheldon: So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so tha tI can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists?
Mrs. Davis: Yes.
Sheldon: You people are sick.

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. Okay, she can't hear.

Sheldon: Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have-have you tried doing that?
Officer Hernandez: Nope.
Sheldon: Well, maybe you should. Th-th-there's lots of books called "Sherlock Holmes" and there's no books called "Officer Hernandez."

Now, typically I wear pajamas, but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle and pajamas are the sleep-pants of the Man. I'll have you know, Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants and a nation rallied behind him!

Excuse me. Is it at all possible that you're knitting a pair of pants?

Leonard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Yes?
Leonard: I'm gonna miss you.
Sheldon: Of course you are.
Leonard: He just made that easier.

Penny: He'll be okay. You taught him well, Padawan.
Sheldon: Good Lord! Padawan's the student,
not the teacher.
Penny: Seriously, let him go.

Leonard: So a few things don't go your way and your best decision is to ride the rails like a hobo?
Sheldon: I suppose it is. Except I have a credit card. And I refuse to carry my laptop at the end of a stick. And I'd sooner die than eat beans out of a can.

I do not accept this. Everything is changing and I hate it. It stops now.

Amy: Maybe you'll love living alone.
Sheldon: I don't know. Perhaps.
Amy: And if it turns out you don't ... you and I could live together.
Sheldon: You and... Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family? Enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself, woman?!
Amy: Sheldon, it was just a thought.
Sheldon: No. Here's a thought. You're not moving in, Leonard's not moving out, everything stays exactly the way it is.

Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?!
Leonard: No, I did not.
Sheldon: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, I'm all out of guesses.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?