Sheldon Cooper Quotes
Penny: Well, Sheldon you are his friend. Friends give each other presents.
Sheldon: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.
Wolowitz [whispers]: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Wolowitz: Just do it.
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Ahh, fair enough.
Wolowitz: He came with a manual
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Leonard: How did you know my birthday's Saturday?
Penny: I did your horoscope, remember? I was going to do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his typical psychotic rants.
Sheldon: For the record, that psychotic rant was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer, who, in 1948, proved conclusively through meticulously designed experiments that astrology is nothing but pseudoscientific hokum.
Penny: Blah, blah, a typical Taurus
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Missy: Shelly, can I speak to you a minuteâ€”alone?
Sheldon: Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me alone? Usually no one wants to be alone with me
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Sheldon: You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.
Missy: And what do you mean, "mediocre stock?"
Sheldon: That would be you
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Leonard: So, how do you two know each other?
Missy: He once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head.
Leonard: Excuse me?
Sheldon: She's my twin sister. She thinks she's funny, but frankly, I've never been able to see it.
Missy: That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.
Sheldon: How exactly would one measure a sense of humor? A "humormometer?"
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Leonard [about the time machine]: The lights flash, and the dish spins. You wanna try it?
Penny: No, I don't wanna try it! My God, you are grown men! How could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes, and comic books, and-and... now that-that...
Sheldon: Againâ€”time machine.
Penny: Oh, please, that's not a time machine. If anything, it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades
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Sheldon: I propose we add "pants must be worn at all times in the time machine"
Wolowitz: I was gonna put down a towel
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Sheldon: Are you upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well, it was a number of things: first, the late hour; then your demeanor seems very low energy; plus your irritability...
Leonard: Yes, I'm upset!
Sheldon: Huh, I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Sheldon: Oh, wait, did you want to talk about it?
Leonard: I don't know, maybe.
Sheldon: Wow, I'm on fire tonight
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Sheldon: You hypocrite!
Sheldon: Little Miss 'Grown-ups don't play with toys', if I went into that apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts? Hello, Hello Kitty!
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