South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Stan Marsh Quotes
The hardest part about it is knowing you can't take it back! It was a 5th generation nano, so I can't trade it in anywhere!
Stan: Oh my god! They videotaped killing Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Stan: Are you doing that stupid Facebook stuff again?
Cartman: Stupid Facebook stuff...
Stan: Why are you guys in here wasting your time? We're supposed out playing video games.
Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.
Newscaster: The spontaneous combustion problem escalates as more and more people go back to holding in all their farts. Meanwhile, the ozone layer continues to deplete as others refuse to hold in their farts for fear of combustion. As we all know, the cause for all of this is Randy Marsh, the son of a bitch who calls himself a scientist. We caught up with Mr. Marsh earlier today and he had this to say:
Randy Marsh: Uhh, I, I don't know what to say--
(Cuts back to the newscaster.)
Newscaster: What an asshole! I hate that guy and so do you! And now onto the weather! It' f(beep)king hot! Thanks to Randy Marsh; son of a bitch.
Stan: If you wanna play Americans versus Bosnians, then you can just play with yourself.
Cartman: Fine, I'll play with myself! I'll play with myself all day along!
Bill Cosby: Well that does it! (takes out laser gun)
Kyle: Hey! What are you doing!
Bill Cosby: I'm afraid i have no other choice! I have to kill him!
Kyle: Oh! Ok.
Stan: That's fine. No wait!
Bill Cosby: What?
Stan: Can I do it?
Bill Cosby: Oh, I suppose... (give gun to Stan)
Stan: Sweet! Kiss your ass goodbye fat boy!
Wendy: Stan, you know Valentine's Day is coming up.
Stan: Yeah, I know.
Wendy: I was thinking maybe we could go on a cruise.
Stan: Dude, I can't afford a cruise!
Wendy: I know. We could sit in a box in your back yard, and pretend it's a cruise.
Cartman: (Laughs hysterically) That's so lame!
Wendy: Then maybe we can dress up in costumes, like we're getting married.
Cartman: (Laughs) Stop it! You're killing me over here!
(During a lightning storm.)
Stan: Oh my god! I just saw Tony Danza!
Ms. Stevens: No, you did not just see Tony Danza!
(In next flash of lightning Tony Danza is sitting with the kids in the circle.)
Kyle: I could really use a friend right now.
Stan: Okay dude, I'm here for you.
Kyle: Okay, then get on Facebook and fertilize my crops.
Hey look! Tom Cruise has Sea Man on his back!
(all the kids are panicked and making a lot of noise)
Ms. Crabtree: All right! (she opens a box and pulls out a revolver and a rabbit) Everybody shut up or the cute little bunny DIES!!
(everybody shuts up)
Stan: She's always trying to get us to shut up by threatening to kill that bunny, but do you think she ever would?
Kyle: Oh she would dude, she would.
