Favorite Stanley Hudson Quotes
Angela: Someone say something.
Stanley: I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. Now look what he's doing to us.
Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only." Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: Oh yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael: God. Stanley, that's frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry...
Stanley: Oh, it's OK. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto in fact.
Michael: No kidding?
Yes, I have a dream... I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.
Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Jim: What?
Dwight: Where?
Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.
Stanley: Anyone wanna trade anything for a toaster?
Kevin: Does it have slots for hot dogs?
Stanley: No.
Kevin: Who would want it?
Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is cancelled.
Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael: Keep it up Stanley and you'll lose New Year's.
Stanley: What's that mean?
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.
Andy: Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
Entire office: Hot!
Kevin: The debate is whether she is hot.
Stanley: What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
Kevin: Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
Andy: Okay, TMI.
Life is short. Drive fast. Leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos.
I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for...that is the life.
