Favorite Stanley Hudson Quotes
Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!
Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Michael: Hey Stanley, is that jacket made of updog?
Stanley: I'm on the phone.
I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt!
Stanley: That little girl is a child! I don't want see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?
Ryan: Yes, I -
Stanley: Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha looking for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there, Jesus could come through that door, he's not going to help you, if you don't stop sniffing after my child!:
[cut to Ryan]
Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Julia: I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget.
Andy: Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? [starts singing to the tune of Feist's "1-2-3-4"] One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather...
Stanley: Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
Andy: Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the song goes.
It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt!
Dwight: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Dwight: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
Only 364 days until the next pretzel day.
Stanley
Michael: Hey Stanley, where you going big guy? Up to no good?
Stanley: I'm meeting a client, do you have a problem with that?
Michael: No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you, I am casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, a beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Stanley: Goodbye.
Michael: Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? Because that's not cool.
Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: Ugh.
Stanley: I'm done.
Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?
Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
Stanley: I do not think that is funny.
Pam: He does everyone in the office.
Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]
Jim and Pam: "I do not think that is funny."
