Stanley: You find anything?
Kevin: We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Why can't you guys do it?
Oscar: Because we're looking up jail time.
Stanley: Fine.

Michael: Good news.
Stanley: We get to go home?
Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael: Same thing.
Kevin: No, no.

Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually it sounds like you are.
Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.
Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.

Phyllis: Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time?
Stanley: I don't know.
Phyllis: Did you even try?
Stanley: If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.
Phyllis: I can't see half of the things.
Stanley: It's too little. Use the phone.

Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.

Stanley: [on the phone] No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?
Michael: Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.
Michael: Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.
Andy: Isn't that your money?
Michael: That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?
Phyllis: Oh, it's coming.
Michael: Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
Kevin: Michael?
Michael: Yes.
Kevin: You cannot make me run.
Michael: OK.

Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Jim: What?
Dwight: Where?
Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?

Oscar: Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.
Pam: Wow, very funny.
Stanley: I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.
Kelly: Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam.
Meredith: You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said.
Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing.

Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

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