Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Sterling Archer Quotes
Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, and If I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, Sir.
Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, Sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...
Ma, they done killed old Rando.
Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?
Archer: Barry, wait, slow down!
Barry: Why?
Archer: So I can go past you!
Archer: Why the hell are you crying?
Krieger: That was my van.
Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.
Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.
Here's a sniper out there whose bullet could spark World War III and you idiots are tying up ISIS resources on high school bullshit? Cause I don't really see a downside to that Archer-wise. So load up. There should be a big box of grenades around here somewhere.
Lana: What's your blood type?
Archer: Who am I Karl Landsteiner?
Because how hard is it to poach a god damn egg properly? Seriously, that's like eggs 101 Woodhouse.
Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?
