Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

I ate a dime once. It became a manhole cover for like three days, then pow!

Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Oh, my grundle. It's bruised. It's bruised bad.

I'm Brian. I like garbage peanut butter, and I wear my "I voted" sticker for a year and a half.

Thanks for coming to my big night, Brian. I see you got all dressed up in your exposed weiner.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire