Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Oh yeah 'cause you know him so well, shut your faaaaaace.

The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!

I feel like once I get them on a schedule, every thing will be fine!

Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

I caught two of them trying to eat each other, so that's something we need to watch out for.

Brian save the placenta! Save it, I want to eat it.

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

You hit me! What kind of monster hits a pregnant toddler!

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

We do not judge the machine, we do not judge Stewie.

This is serious Rupert, I'm losing him! I'm going to fix this relationship. We need a baby, and we need it now!

Family Guy Quotes

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)