Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.
Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?

Stewie: Doesn't it boether you being an adult man who's that short, 'cause the doctor said that's where I'm headed.
Tom Cruise: No way, man. In the middle of the word short is "or". Or gives you a choice, and I choose not to be short.
Stewie: Wow. You need a road map for that one.

Tom Cruise: Nobody walks away from tiny Tom Cruise.
Stewie: Yeah, except for all three of your wives.

Hey? You up? Guess where I have a crayon?

Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Oh yeah 'cause you know him so well, shut your faaaaaace.

The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!

I feel like once I get them on a schedule, every thing will be fine!

Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

I caught two of them trying to eat each other, so that's something we need to watch out for.

Brian save the placenta! Save it, I want to eat it.

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

Family Guy Quotes

Ugggh! This tastes like Ani DiFranco after a bike ride!

Quagmire (referencing an awful Korean Taco)

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)