Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

I ate a dime once. It became a manhole cover for like three days, then pow!

Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Oh, my grundle. It's bruised. It's bruised bad.

I'm Brian. I like garbage peanut butter, and I wear my "I voted" sticker for a year and a half.

Thanks for coming to my big night, Brian. I see you got all dressed up in your exposed weiner.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley