Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.

Besides, saving this ship would mean, like, talking to 80 people and I'm not in the mood right now.

Stewie Also, I gave the string quartet the music for highway to the danger zone
Brian: You have the sheet music for highway to the danger zone?
Stewie: Uh, yeah, that's all I keep in here. It's power bars and sheet music

Stewie: Boy this must be killing you. You're an atheist, and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.
Brain: I don't have to take this! I'm out of here. Can you let me out?

Well the fat man is never going to get back in time, and with him gone that makes you the man of the house.

Relax, Im sure Wycelf Jean got it all under control.

Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.
Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.

Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.

Nothing like a day at the park, surrounded by overcompensating divorced dads.

Stewie: How long have you been there?
Chris: Long enough to know that you have herpes and do weird stuff with your teddy bear.
Stewie: HE does weird stuff; I just don't stop him.

You've got herpes, too? This house is like backstage at a Whitesnake concert.

Oh my god, look at you! You're more herpes than dog!

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.

Stewie