Tom Cruise: Nobody walks away from tiny Tom Cruise.
Stewie: Yeah, except for all three of your wives.

Hey? You up? Guess where I have a crayon?

Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Oh yeah 'cause you know him so well, shut your faaaaaace.

The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!

I feel like once I get them on a schedule, every thing will be fine!

Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

I caught two of them trying to eat each other, so that's something we need to watch out for.

Brian save the placenta! Save it, I want to eat it.

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

You hit me! What kind of monster hits a pregnant toddler!

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!