Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

You hit me! What kind of monster hits a pregnant toddler!

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

We do not judge the machine, we do not judge Stewie.

This is serious Rupert, I'm losing him! I'm going to fix this relationship. We need a baby, and we need it now!

Lois: Oh I'm not doing anything special, just sitting here with the baby.
Stewie: Screw you too.

Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Wait, hold on Brian, everyone deserves a proper funeral. Why do you think we're saving that VCR box in the basement?

Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Stewie: Boy in a truck to young to drive
Choir: Sing what you see!

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley