Family Guy

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Stewie: Well I suppose it's not the first time someones made a miscalculation.
(Cut away to Back to the future)
Marty: What happens to us in the future Doc?
Doc: It's your kids Marty somethings gotta be done about your kids!
Marty: What do you mean?
Doc: Your daughter marries a black man!!
Marty: That's actually not a big deal for me
Jennifer: Yeah me neither
Doc: Wha-it-wha-it-you...Really?
Marty:Yeah I mean what's wrong with that?
Doc: oh oh ah Nothing! nothing it's nothing I guess.. I think it's great! congratulations.
Marty: I don't think I'm comfortable around you anymore.
Doc: Did you know Peanut Butter was invented by a black man?
Marty: Too late Doc.

Lois: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat and fear.
Stewie: Ughh let me tell you Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their "A" squad, I actually saw bullet wounds.

Brian: East of Eden? So, you pretty much read whatever Oprah tells you to, huh?
Stewie: Hey, this book has been around for fifty years. It's a classic.
Brian: But you just bought it last week. And there's an Oprah sticker on it!
Stewie: Oh, is that what that is? I'll just peel that right off.
Brian: So, what are you gonna read next?
Stewie: Well, she hasn't told us yet... Damn!

Did anyone listen to Howard Stern this morning? There were two strippers in the studio, they sounded hot. Then Howard made a joke about Negros, but Robin laughed so it was okay.

Peter: I'm home!
Lois: Peter?!
Chris: Dad!
Meg: Daddy!
Stewie: What's your name? Is it Alan?

Ah, Brian on a date hmm, that'd be more pathetic than that game of marco polo I played with Helen Keller.

Lois: Oh by the way Bonnie, we just finished reading the Da Vinci Code at my book club, you were right, its terrific!
Stewie: OH let me guess, some flowery 300 page menopausal, masturbatory aid.

So, which of the Latin countries are you from? The one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?

Yes, uh Grover what is it, this has to be quick, I am so pressed... Yes, the letter G is wonderful... Of course, and the number 6... Oh ok, ok, Gr, Grover, Grover, GROVER, GROVER, GROVER... you, you know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later... Oh uh oh alright, you know what? Call me back when you calm down

Stewie: That coffee mug that you have on your desk, it says life's a beach? Umm, that's dangerously close to the word bitch isn't it?
Brian: Uhh, yeah that's the joke.
Stewie: Oh, absolutely! And nobody appreciates a little joke like Stewie, and you know between you and me I think it's a stitch, but some of the other employees found it offensive.
Brian: Other Employees? Who else works here besides me?
Stewie: Fuck you! That's who works here

Lois: I'm gonna go get some oranges, Stewie. Here, hold this bag for Mommy.
Stewie: Oh, what brilliant parenting, Lois, leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know, I just might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson! [attempts to put bag on his head, but fails because it's too large] Here I go, just like that boy from INXS. I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it... [quits] Blast! Good lord, woman, either I was a C-section, or you're Wonder Woman.

I haven't seen one female baby since we got here. This place is a sausage fest.

Displaying quotes 289 - 300 of 412 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Cleveland Brown
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