Hell? Well that's a little much. Sure I've devoted my life to killing my mother, but who hasn't? You know for hell, this isn't really that bad.

Brian: So, is it just pool water that turns you into a snivelling girl, or all water?
Stewie: Mom! Brian just asked me if it's just pool water that turns me into a sniveling girl, or all water!

Meg: I HATE YOU ALL!
Stewie: Yeah, I hate you too, bitch. Oh no no, I'm just kidding, could you imagine?

Yeah, yeah, Oh they're doing a spin-off. He still plays Joey, but...um...it's not doing that well.

Brian: So what was it like on the other side?
Stewie: It was alright. I met Jesus.
Brian: Oh, what's he like?
Stewie: Believe it or not, he's Chinese.
Brian: Oh, really.
Stewie: Yeah, and his last name is Hong, Jesus Hong. He said he doesn't know where everyone got Christ.

Lois: Stewie! Head for Meg's butt!
Stewie: Have you lost your mind?!

Stewie: (to Jasper) Hey, "Mcbutt the Crime Dog", I heard you and your little chew toy getting it on last night. Keep it down.
Jasper: Sorry, little guy, we were playing Clue and he got me in the bedroom with a lead pipe.

Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So this is awkward but I mean if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Bertram: What took you so long?
Stewie: What took you so ugly!?

Okay, whip them out woman! It's time for the afternoon meal!

You call those cheap implants boobs?! Those aren't boobs! They're lies!

Stewie: How 'bout we let bygones be bygones,hmm?
Brian: You shot me in both my knees, then lit me on fire, Piss off.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley