Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, no matter how comforting, is cruel.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I guess I don't have to. Mary Lou Retton is an orphan or something.

If your students wanna praise God, I suggest they enroll in Sweet Holy Mother of God Academy on St. Jesus Street.

Don't let your own recklessness blind you to the fact that Britney Spears is a genius pop culture provocateur and a gateway drug to every out of control impulse ever created.

You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

It's a Britney Spears sex riot!

I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death.

Oh God, Will, let me break it down for you. High school's a dry run for the rest of your life. Not everyone can be champions; not everyone should be champions. The world needs fry cooks; bus drivers...

The two of you are making a mistake, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexicans sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.

Boobs McGee, you're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will keep everyone safe from injury.

A person that has to pump her naughties full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn't have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader.

I don't need the sound of your stretch marks rubbing together.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.