Ted Mosby Quotes
Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.
Robin: Seriously, you take it.
Ted: You sure?
Robin: Slapsolutely.
Ted: This slap was supposed to be a joyous gift. We've let it come between us.
Robin: Oh my God, you're right. This once pure fruit has turned into a poison slapple.
Marshall: I bequeath to you ... the fourth slap.
Ted: Are you saying what we think you're saying?
Marshall: Probably not. Unless you think I'm saying Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap, in which case that's exactly what I'm saying!
Ted: You slept with one of my best friends.
Robin: What? You said you were okay with that!
Ted: Well I'm not.
Robin: Why didn't you say something at the time?
Ted: Because... I'm still in love with you.
Robin: Do you really want to slap Barney so bad that you would lie about being in love with me?
Ted: I really want to slap him, okay?
Ted: Robin, you should get the slap, you're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slaprentice.
Robin: Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy, you're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.
Robin: Look at me, I've sworn off relationships.
Marshall: She is so about to get married.
Ted: I gotta work on my toast.
Marshall: I gotta make sure my tux fits!
Robin: I will bang your heads together like coconuts.
Ted: She was cute.
Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
[narrating] Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. Your uncle Barney was really good at that last one. Even though a lot of the time, who he was was actually someone else.
Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
Alan Thicke: Lily? Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
Ted: A van costs $25 more.
Lily: That's it. I'm coming out of retirement for one. Last. Breakup.
Ted and Marshall: YES!
