How I Met Your Mother

Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 18)

Ted: I just got screwed by my two best friends and I didn't even know it
Lily: In Canada that's called a sneaky snowflake
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Let's make a pact, if we both turn 40 and we're both single..
Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, will you be my backup wife?
Robin: A girl always dreams of hearing those words. Yes, yes, a million times, yes!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Marshall: No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, supervolcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So you guys absolutely don't think I should call her?
Group: Ted, no!
Ted: Interesting piece of trivia... I called her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Where does this woman live?
Robin: We're talking about a woman that actually Barney Stinson to commit, I'm guessing Narnia
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Doctor X, you're still bragging about Doctor X?
Robin: Who's Doctor X?
Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genious mystery DJ.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Ted: His identity remains a mystery to this day.
Lily: It was Ted.
Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Lily: And your show sucked
 • Rating: 3.3 / 5.0

Ted: Can't you just leave the place open a little while longer? We'll keep an eye on things.
Carl: You two? No way, you wouldn't know the first thing about running a bar.
Barney: Serve the hotties first?
Carl: Here's the keys
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Ted: So, how many people are in on this Party School Bingo thing?
Barney: Oh, it's just me.
Ted: So what's the point, then?
Barney: The point is to get five in a row.
Ted: And what do you get when you get five in a row?
Barney: I get Bingo
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

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