Parks and Recreation

Tom Haverford Quotes (Page 6)

Tom: Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. 9 o'clock p.m. At the world famous Snakehole Lounge. The place the Pawnee Journal has called, "The sexiest, most dangerous club in town."
Leslie: That's not what they wrote.
Tom: Fine. I added the word sexiest. But, we've hired better security.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I need you to make that out to Wendy. Tom is an amazing guy. You never should have left him. You made a huge mistake in your life and you're probably going to die alone. Love, Detlef.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Brooks Brothers Boys, it's like the cuts are slimmer, and it's cheaper. Win win.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom: I'm fix six and three-quarters.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Got enough leg room back there?
Detlef: Yeah, you don't have to sit so far up.
Tom: Yeah, I do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Does Pawnee Cable Access even have hair and makeup?
Leslie: Well, they have a communal lipstick in a box of combs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Leslie: You're never going to believe who I got. People are going to freak out.
Tom: Rihanna.
Leslie: No.
Tom: Dr. Oz.
Leslie: Nope, you're never going to ask.
Tom: Justin Bieber.
Leslie: No. Ex-Indiana Pacer. Small forward Detlef Schrempf.
Tom: THE Detlef Schrempf?
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I can't make it to the telethon tonight because I have no interest in being there.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: No, Leslie. Please. Tonight's kind of a big night. You know, all my kids are away...
Tom: Gross! No! That's Jerry's sex night. That ruins sex and tonight.
 • Rating: Unrated

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