Tom Haverford Quotes (Page 6)
Season 3, Episode 12: "Eagleton"
Leslie: I am so sick of this Lindsey-
Tom: Leslie, I've got this. You listen to me Lindsey Carlisle-Shea! Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, and if you've got any job openings maybe you should let me know about them.
Ben: C'mon, man-
Tom: No! I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton. Because I am! So, here's what you can do, lady. Take this resume, and shove it in your human resources box.
Andy: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yea, shove it there!
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Tom: Did you guys get your public forum gift bag? There's an iPod Touch in here.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 11: "Jerry's Painting"
Tom: That's what you see when you close your eyes at night Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 3, Episode 10: "Soulmates"
Tom: I call eggs pre-birds or future birds.
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0
Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 3, Episode 9: "Fancy Party"
Tom: "Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?"
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Tom: "One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 3, Episode 7: "Harvest Festival"
Tom: Hold on a second. Did you get your breasts done? You look amazing!
Joan: Yes, thanks for noticing.
Tom: Joan, listen to me. This harvest festival, it's gonna knock your socks off and when it does, I'm gonna be there to give you a foot massage. To completion.
Ben: Good lord!
• Rating: Unrated
Ken Hotatay: During the battle, 93 year old Chief Oxcatay was shot 102 times by the calvary.
Tom: Did he die?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 197
