Tom Haverford Quotes (Page 8)
Season 2, Episode 20: "Summer Catalog"
Tom: An animal on the head, a manimal in the bed.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 19: "Park Safety"
Tom: Hey, Jerry? April was just double checking the lunch order. Do you want the salmon or the twout?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Tom: This thing is a mess.
Carl: We used to have three cars actually. The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids. The second one raccoons got onto. There was urine everywhere. And the third one was recently stolen.
Tom: What's this one?
Carl: This is the second one. The raccoon piss one.
• Rating: Unrated
Carl: Oh you think you know how to do my job? You might not be so confident once you've walked a mile in my size 7s.
Leslie: Kinda small feet.
Tom: Actually 7 is the worldwide average.
Carl: Boom!
• Rating: Unrated
Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 18: "The Possum"
Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So, you weren't thinking?
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Tom: How long do you think it will take me to learn golf, Leslie?
Leslie: I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.
Tom: Yeah I don't want to do all that. I'd say I just want some of those dope pants.
• Rating: Unrated
Tom: I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god.
• Rating: 4.6 / 5.0
Ann: OK, this is one of those nanny cam teddy bears, isn't it?
Tom: What? No, it's a regular camera-less teddy bear. Just put it in your bedroom. Don't even think about it.
• Rating: Unrated
Tom: Happy belated Valentine's Day.
Ann: Valentine's Day was a month ago. Why are you giving it to me now?
Tom: Whatever. Happy early Valentine's Day.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 155
