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Sorry about my partner. He's been on my edge ever since we switched.

Clean up on aisle busted.

Starburns: Where's the ketchup?
Troy: That doesn't make sense! Ketchup is a condiment!

Pierce: I fell asleep in a sun beam.
Abed: Likely story.
Troy: Actually it is. I used to live with him. It's sort of adorable.

Troy: How did we get the short straw?
Abed: It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Troy: Yeah, well, it looks pretty cold to me.
Abed: Cold or dead?.
Troy: Survey says...
Abed: We can't both do the zinger.

I don't want you to break his brain.

Troy [about Abed]

She was born in the 80s, she still uses her phone as a phone!

Troy [about Britta]

Troy: Vice Dean Laybourne. You have a beard. And a ponytail.
Laybourne : I'm going through some stuff right now, Troy. Don't worry about it.

All difficult things are better. Like carrying a disease. Or holding a fart right now.

If you have anything else do say, say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards.

Abed is a magical elf-like man who makes us all more magical by being near him.

Look Abed, you know I'd do anything you did, but I'm a Jehovah's Witness, we're not supposed to celebrate Christmas.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 150 in total

Community Quotes

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.


Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]