Popular Turk Quotes
Turk: All right, Elliot, at the presentation I was wondering, can I do the ending? Because I really love the ending of our paper.
Elliot: Do you think I'm cut out to be a doctor?
Turk: Okay, fine, you can do the ending. I just want to say, "Thanks, folks! We've been great!"
Elliot: I'm serious. Do you think this is what I really want to do?
Turk: Elliot, I don't know.
Elliot: You can tell me. I can take it.
Turk: No, Elliot, I'm saying I don't know because I really don't know. What the hell is going on here? Why have all women gone crazy?
J.D.: That was good, Kevin! We should-we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal what, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don-I don't mean like that kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That-that wouldn't be fun...
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!
Elliot: Just because I occasionally say something stupid doesn't mean I'm in the hospital going door to door annoying people, like some crazed Jehovah's Witness. Oh. You're not?
Turk: No. But my mother is.
J.D.: He's black, too. You should tease him about that
J.D.: Your woman wants me so bad, we've developed our own little shorthand with each other... Mornin'!
Carla: Morning!
J.D.: That means "good morning"!
Turk: Noted.
Dr. Cox: And, last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr. Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't even need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!
Turk: Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?
Dr. Cox: Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce?
J.D.: S-sh-I don't care, Sean!
J.D.: Come on, Turk!
Turk: Hey. I just wanted you to know I don't have a problem with you, I just can't resist a good storm-off.
Sean: Oh, who can?
Turk: Dude, you're pretty horny for a guy who claims to be getting it on a nightly basis.
J.D.: What are you implying?
Turk: Let's just say a little birdie told me that you and Kylie haven't slept together.
J.D.: Who?
Turk: Nurse Birdie.
Nurse Birdie: Well, you haven't.
J.D.: I trusted you!
Turk: Um, what, are you on a break or something?
Elliot: Well, I have nothing else to do, because none of my patients want to see me.
Turk: But that's a good thing, right? Because, now, you have time to take care of your life!
Elliot: Why are you being so weird?
Dr. Cox: Well, of course, that could be because he's shaving his dome so much lately that the hair is actually starting to grow inward - it's an affliction commonly known as the "infro." But, if I were to guess just exactly why he's been acting weird lately, I would say it's because...he's the one who's been steering your patients away from you... Discuss.
Turk: Dude, it was awful. I couldn't stop lying to them. I only have two moves! If surgery goes well, the fake modest nod and wink. Now, if surgery goes bad and the guy dies, there's always the headshake-sad-walk-away.
J.D.: Turk! Toto and I are going home.
Turk: Fine!
J.D.: Okay! I'll help!
Turk: Why isn't the band playing?
Laverne: In a word? Shrimps. Nasty, one-day-old shrimp. The band got into 'em while we was waiting at the church for your sorry ass.
Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Chach! See, we got our own secret language, too. Eh-ha!
Marco(translated): What did he say?
Carla(translated): I have no idea.
Marco(translated): Jackass!
Turk: Hey. Baby. I'm gonna head home and watch some television with Rowdy.
Carla: Rowdy? NO! Um, you shouldn't go home.
Turk: Why?
Carla: I need you to go somewhere for me. I want you to go to a...strip club!
Turk: Okay.
J.D.: Hey, Turk, can I talk to you for a second?
Turk: Can't talk now, good stuff's happenin'!
