Popular Turk Quotes
Turk: Dude, you're still eating those brownies!
J.D.: I don't wanna get pregnant, shoot.
Turk: Baby, I shoulda told you how Cox felt about you, and I was wrong for talking behind your back, which is a violation of the trust our relationship is based on. And that is why I'm sorry.
Todd: My boy's got mad apologizin' skills!
Turk: Todd, not now!
Carla: You can't just point out the obvious - you have to go deeper... And Todd, if you say, "That's what she said," I will brain you
Carla: That's what I think of your scooters! No more bugs in my teeth! No more helmet head! No more making deals with God every time a truck passes me on the freeway, okay? It's over! That's it!
Turk: What the hell just happened?
Dr. Kelso: You got married, Turkleton.
Turk: So I told my mom how much you liked that Cuban restaurant downtown and she loves Cuban food, so...
Carla: I hate that restaurant!
Turk: Wow. So I must have really misunderstood when you said that you loved that place and you wanted to be buried in a vat of their plantains so you could eat you way out.
Carla: See? That's our problem. You don't get me!
Turk: No argument there!
Turk: What makes you think I'd wanna be part of this, J.D.?
J.D.: I don't know! Kelso said it would make us role models. I guess I just assumed that-
Turk: Yeah, everybody assumes that I'm a good athlete, or-or-or that I grew up poor, or that I love 'Sanford and Son'.
J.D.: But you do love 'Sanford and Son'... We both do
Carla: Turk? Are you sure you're happy we're doing this?
Turk: Are you kidding me? This is my ideal wedding! It's cheap, there's no hassle, plus you said you'd call my mom and explain to her why she wasn't invited.
Carla: No I didn't!
I know I agreed to have a baby, but you were offering sex at the time - I would have agreed to anything.
[Turk is in Kelso's spot]
Dr. Kelso: Nice spot.
Turk: Yes, sir... it is.
Dr. Kelso: I usually try to get out here for lunch every day at 12:30.
Turk: You don't say...
Dr. Kelso: Yep. Every day. 12:30. For twenty-three years
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. Do you realize if we could get a tight enough clamp around the bulb and then just-
Janitor: No, no, no, you'll break the thing! Look, here's the thing about lightbulbs, okay? They're structurally weak at the narrow end, but the round end is surprisingly strong.
Turk: So if we could get behind the bulb...
Janitor: I see where you're headed! We go down through the mouth!
Dr. Cox: Your turn's over.
Carla: Look at you in your new uniform! And they give you a nightstick!
Janitor: Well, actually, this is my dad's. He used to use this baby every day at work.
Turk: Was he a cop?
Janitor: Uh, no, cat trainer.
Turk: You know, you're gonna have to see her eventually.
Carla: No I don't, 'cause I know the layout to the air-duct system here like the back of my hand
Turk: This is a hospital, why are you playing that song?
Janitor: Ohh! You mean "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart's classic anthem to platonic love. No reason.
Turk: Whatever it is you're trying to do, it's not working.
Janitor: 'Course not, not with you. You're, uh... what'd you say? Untouchable. Well, anyway, back to work. New friend!
