Turk Quotes
Turk: So he was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
J.D.: Dude!
Turk: Oh, my bad. Not crying. Punching the wall all manly and angry like
Carla: So did you talk to any girls last night?
Turk: Baby, I'm an attractive man, we both know this. It's just a burden you'll have to live with.
Carla: One of many
J.D.: No seriously man, I want you to know if I ever need surgery again, I want you inside of me.
Turk: I wanna be the one inside you
Turk: Yeah, Dr. Kelso, um 'bout these posters, they're kinda makin' me uncomfortable.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way. Well here's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna leave them up.
Turk: I can live with that, or I can sue you.
[both laugh]
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk, you are an employee here. I can advertise however I wish. I can use your image, your name, I can manufacture tiny-little Dr. Turk action figures. It'll cost twelve-ninty-five and when you pull the string it'll say "I don't like these posters of me!" Isn't that right Ted?
Ted: Oh definately sir. Of course you'd certainly be vulnerable from a legal stand-point.
Dr. Kelso: How vulnerable?
Ted: Sir, that lawsuit would be over so quickly, I'd advise you to bring cab fare to the courthouse since Doctor Turk would be driving your beamer home to his place
J.D.: Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?
Turk: It could be worse. You could be Alfred the butler.
J.D.: Damn you, sir
Carla: You're such a guy. You can't even begin to understand something this deep on any kind of real emotional level.
J.D.: Hey, Turk. Look, I'm really sorry about the whole poster thing. It was racially insensitive of me; I should have been more aware of your feelings before I went ahead and spoke for you.
Turk: It's okay, your intentions were good, and there's never been an issue of race between us. Since the day I met you, you've been nothing but a friend to me.
J.D.: I love you, man.
Turk: Hit me one.
J.D.: Keep it real!
Turk: Yeah, we've got some things to work out, but, we'll get there... we'll get there
J.D.'s Narration: One of the best things about my friendship with Turk is that we're always challenging each other to try new things.
J.D.: I can't believe we're going to a strip club for lunch.
Turk: Oh, don't even think about it that way. This is just a nice place to buy a burger that's a short, convenient two-and-a-half-mile walk away from the hospital
Reporter: Excuse me, are you gentleman visiting the club?
Turk: No!... We're here protesting.
J.D.: I'm worried about the kids.
Reporter: So what's that in your pocket?
J.D.: Oh, this is just, um, it's thirty-eight dollars in singles... I-I bought a newspaper, and this is the change from my forty
Carla: Before you deny that you like looking at strange naked women - again - I should remind you that when you stay at my place, it's not a hotel; the movie titles do come up on the bill.
Turk: I'm sticking with we were protesting...J.D.?
J.D.: Outraged and disgusted
Carla: So, do you want to get drunk and beg me to have sex with you now, or do you wanna wait till 2 o'clock tonight?
Turk: Let's wait.
Carla: Cool
J.D.: She is ta-haasty. Watch me work a little cat-and-mouse game with her.
Turk: She's married to the sound-man, bud. And that little thing that's clipped to your collar, that's a microphone
Turk: What makes you think I'd wanna be part of this, J.D.?
J.D.: I don't know! Kelso said it would make us role models. I guess I just assumed that-
Turk: Yeah, everybody assumes that I'm a good athlete, or-or-or that I grew up poor, or that I love 'Sanford and Son'.
J.D.: But you do love 'Sanford and Son'... We both do
